Therepudic Badassery
It’s kind of funny how I started to learn about film because I felt that I needed a new hobby. I needed something that focused on my desire to create, and something that would last after I was gone, wherever I happened to be going. I poured everything I had into studying film theory, technique, visual effects, sound, lighting, editing, the psychology of screenwriting and anything else that I could get my hands on. I started writing daily, designing effects, bought equipment and dove right in. And it helped. I started to feel more substantial, more worthwhile. I was creating things that had my name on it. And I was getting better and better each day.
I impressed friends, peers and coworkers with how quickly I was learning the ins and outs of film making and visual effects, which also brought my mood up. More and more, people started to take notice of my efforts, and I started to find my self worth again. I was an artist again. I was a Film-Maker. Graphic design was what I did for a living, but this was who I was now. I learned more about how I saw the world through the lens of a camera than I had reading books about coping with depression, or through the bottle of a drink. Of course, this was a huge boon for my mental and physical well-being. I met like minded people, networked, and made some very cool friends.
And now, I find it most interesting that when something negative happens, the first thing that I turn to is film. When I’m frustrated, I’ll edit video, or write a scene, or make a visual effect. It takes me away from real life for a while, and allows me to create what I want to see. I have total control. Not only that, but at the end of the day, it’s my piece. If it sucks, it’s because I wasn’t good enough. If it’s great, it’s because I put that work into it. There’s no committee involvement. No corporate office. No ad agency. No client. Sometimes, you need that. I know that most of what we do during the day is for the almighty dollar, but sometimes, it’s good to do something for the almighty soul. I’m glad that I found what works for me.
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